Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
