never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
