I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
