My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
