so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
