I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
