My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My first STD was from a foam party
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
