Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
