I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
