you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
