If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
