im about as happy as oj after his trial
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she peed on how many people?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
