Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
