never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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