just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
