I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
