How'd it feel making her break her religion?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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