oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
