I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
