So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
