I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
