At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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