Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
