my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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