I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
