Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you. Go after that dick
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
