Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
