Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
