The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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