Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
