I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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