dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
