The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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