Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
