Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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