we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
