She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
