Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
