so that wasnt chicken after all
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
