i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's never too late to be topless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
