His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
