I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
