I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
