does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am naked and annoyed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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