nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize