oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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