Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, he came in my armpit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
