textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
