hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
