Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
