if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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