There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i believe in u and ur pee
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
