Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
