I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
