TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
