you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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