she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
