WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dick has a subreddit
is that a dick in a sweater?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
