I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
