Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
