I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
