hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
