At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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