Where is the hickey?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
