He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
