I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
