I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
