pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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