i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
