I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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