you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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