I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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