I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
