I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
