Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
