I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
