Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
