Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
