Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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