Where is the hickey?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
