Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
