I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
