I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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