So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
