I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
