I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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