I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
