We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize