It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
