I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
