This is not my ceiling
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
