we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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