Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
