Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
